HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
