Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
