I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
