Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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