I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
