super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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