The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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