guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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