i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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