so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
