No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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