If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
