remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
