need another drink. this is the easiest way
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i love accidental penises.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
