She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
