If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
