she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A bitchslap is in order.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
