i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
