What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
