So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
