Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
