You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
