oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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