Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
