have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
