So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
