if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
