Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
