Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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