I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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