Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
