similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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