Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
