____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
