I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
