Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
