in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
