Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
