mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
