I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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