my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
