I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
