is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
