Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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