It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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