I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was confusing and full of hummus
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
