i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
