Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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