If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
