If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
