Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
